George Carlin, Splenetic Comedian, Dies at 71
Some quotes:
Hockey comes to mind. People think hockey is a sport. It’s not. Hockey is three activities taking place at the same time: ice skating, fooling around with a puck, and beating the shit out of somebody.
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
I’m not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose… it’ll be much harder to detect.
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.
If the “black box” flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole damn airplane made out of that shit?
-George Carlin